Serenity Now!

Recently I received a phone call from a former boss from my wholesaling days.  We had a remarkable conversation about the journey we have each taken since leaving MetLife about a decade ago.

His story was about family, new grandkids, and continued business success. 

Mine was about sharing a cell with a sociopath and living in what amounts to a 6’ x 12’ bathroom with 2 bunks. 

Seriously though, we spoke deeper about the path I let addiction take me on, and how the road back has been rewarding and made wonderful by conversations like the one we were having. 

During our conversation, we talked about his boss back then, the man who basically ran the entire Life and Annuity business for MetLife.  They are still in touch, friends before MetLife and still friends now.

It was during the big boss’s opening presentation to our group back around 2002 that I was first introduced to the Serenity Prayer.  He presented it as a mantra for living life and for conducting business. 

Its message provides sage advice for us all.

“God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, the courage to CHANGE the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The prayer was written by a Theologian by name of Reinhold Niebuhr in early 1930’s and it is believed he first used it in a sermon at a church in Massachusetts sometime after writing it.   He used it in sermons and talks around the country over the years. Somehow it spread to AA, and it soon became the closing prayer said at meetings as far back as 1941.

After failing to navigate my addiction to opiate pain medications following several spinal reconstructive surgeries, I would ultimately be sent to Prison for robbing a bank, twice, as I had basically bankrupted my family buying pills on the street for years. 

Soon after my arrest I attended AA/NA meetings in prison and was reintroduced to the Serenity Prayer.     

Through that presentation back around 2002 I would come to see the beauty of the message contained within this prayer long before I knew its importance to Alcoholics Anonymous and by extension to Narcotics Anonymous.  Through my own addiction and incarceration I had come to see the prayer with additional PERSPECTIVE. 

In prison, as in addiction, there must be a method to survival.  There must be a movement from inside your soul that is willing to move forward.  There has to be PERSPECTIVE on your world and ACCEPTANCE of your life and what it has come to.  There must be CHANGE from what brought you here.  When locked up, there is an almost total loss of control over your daily life.  You are told when to eat, when to shower, when to go here - and when to go there.  If you don’t ACCEPT that fact, it will make you crazy. 

There was a point to the boss sharing this message with an entire sales force.  There is a point to AA and NA adopting it as a way forward. 

There is immense wisdom in the Serenity Prayer that goes far beyond its importance to AA and NA, and to men and women serving time. I see now how important its message is in all our lives, not just inmates and addicts. 

Just stop for a moment, read and think about the core message – CHANGE (and I would add) CONTROL what you can and ACCEPT what you can’t.  

Think about all of the “stuff” we carry around in our head on a daily basis.  How much of that is stuff we have no control over, and never will?  How much time do we spend each day worried about things we can’t change, people who do stupid things, and the news from around the world? 

Yes, it all has a place, and is important to know about—but just try to leave the responsibility of it all out of the equation.  Knowing, even caring that throughout the world there can be suffering, pain, war, famine, catastrophic events is one thing.  Taking time away from truly living your own life and being present in the lives of your loved ones is another. 

Life can be far more peaceful, and content when we can adhere to Reinhold’s words.  I know mine has.  Despite all of my failings, my epic collapse and prison term I AM STILL ALIVE and thus still able to make a mark on the world around me and make a positive impact on the lives of my loved ones.

I had to radically accept the fact that what is done is done and cannot ever be undone.  My story, up to this very minute, is written and part of the permanent record.  I ACCEPT it, hard as that is at times, in order to free my mind to focus on the things I can CHANGE, the things I can CONTROL.  The amount of mental shelf space we give to things beyond our control can become a hindrance.  When we release the things we can’t control, including everything that has happened and is done, we free our mind and our soul for work that we can do moving forward.

ACCEPT the past, CONTROL your future. 

It's like cleaning out your attic.  Remove all the clutter and things that are not important, and we find new space up there.  With the new space we can build something meaningful and useful – perhaps an office to run a charity you want to start; perhaps a guest room for family to come visit.  

With the clearance in our mind of the clutter, of all the baggage, worries and pessimism, we find new perspectives on life and on our direct world.  We can now use that mental space to plan, to act moving forward and accomplish the goals and dreams that may have been pushed aside over the years.  We may now see the many gifts that are all around us each day. 

Accept the things that are not yours to correct, fix or fret upon, and focus on the life you want to live and the impact you want to have on your loved ones. 

“…grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, the courage to CHANGE the things I can...”

CONTROL what you can, ACCEPT what you can’t. 

 ACCEPT the past, CONTROL your future.