2%

A Masterclass in PERSPECTIVE from an amazing young woman

Part I

Growing up and into adulthood I had always tried to see the silver lining, always know that the glass was half full.  Unfortunately that part of my being slowly eroded away as my addiction, depression and private shame grew and grew.  I lost Kevin Baker.  I didn’t know what, or who, I was anymore.  My addiction guided my path, farther and farther into the abyss. 

After everything that I allowed to happen, after being very publicly arrested and sent to prison, I had to come to terms with it all. I had to radically accept what I had done, the crimes I had committed and how profoundly I failed my wife and children.  I allowed my addiction to narcotic pain medication to railroad my life, to lay waste to a once wonderful career and hurt those closest to me. 

After castigating myself for the first year and a half of my prison sentence, I began to realize that there would be a day that I would leave prison and I needed to decide what kind of man I would be when I was set free. 

In order to move forward, I had to make a fundamental choice. 

Fortunately there were some amazing people who would help push me back to the light.  My oldest daughter Sydney was my rock, and along with my father held a light for me to see at the end of this tunnel I had put myself in.  My mother, stepfather, cousin and his wife joined in as well as some amazing friends.  With all of these people pushing, I began to see that I could still have a fruitful life and still had time to redeem my battered soul.

That light - at first just a pinhole, would start to grow brighter and brighter.

 I acted, and began to move forward towards the light, and back to the glass half full version of my former self. 

Regardless of what was written and could not be changed, I had to look at things with a different perspective. 

Was I to be forever the man that the news stories and press put out there: a violent bank robber, drug addict and a colossal failure?  Or could I, with optimism and perspective see my life from another angle?

 Despite all that happened, it was still up to me on how I wanted to perceive the world around me.  Despite it all, I had the CHOICE to frame the world moving forward with a different PERSPECTIVE and view of what was still possible with my remaining days on planet earth.

I do firmly believe the human spirit in all of us has an unbelievable ability to guide us to the light through our dark days. 

Part II

So let’s talk about perspective, and specifically perspective through adversity.  

For many years my family and I would watch America’s Got Talent together.  It was a great night, as we would all sit together and see amazing people do amazing things.   In prison I would continue the vigil and continue to watch, remembering better days gone by. 

One night, June 8th, 2021, without warning, my life would shift dramatically.  I had been working on perspective and learning how to harness this gift so that I could successfully move forward with my life.  The next day, June 9th would be the one-year anniversary of losing my father – and that was still weighing me down as I all I kept telling him during his visits and phone calls “hold on until I get out of here dad, please hold on until then.”

This particular evening I would be given a gift, a masterclass lesson in PERSPECTIVE. 

In 7 minutes and 33 seconds, this would take me from the elementary school-level of my training in perspective and move me years ahead. 

Back to America’s Got Talent and that late spring evening with me sitting in cell 82. 

Perhaps the most remarkable personification of perspective I had ever seen walked onto the stage.  A young woman of 30, beautiful, yet gaunt in appearance, came to the stage with the biggest smile and a genuine glow about her.

In the following 7 and a half minutes - she changed my life. 

She told the judges and all of America, about her battle with cancer.  Then she dropped the first hammer:

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy."

Again - “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy."

Jane Kristen Marczewski, known professionally as Nightbirde had cancer in her lungs, spine and liver and she had been given a 2% chance of survival. 

She proceeded to sing an original song of hers entitled “It’s Okay”.  I was blown away, to say the least.  The silence when she finished singing lasted only a second or two – but is was a moment that I will remember for the rest of my days.  The crowd then rose in unison, with an overwhelming, if not thunderous ovation.  After making everyone there and everyone in America cry, including me sitting in my prison cell, she received the Golden Buzzer from Simon Cowell. 

Afterwards, with that incredible smile, she dropped the second hammer, words I will never forget, regarding her 2% chance of living much longer:

“But 2% is not zero percent.  2% is something, and I wish people knew how amazing it is.”

For that is PERSPECTIVE. 

She passed away about a year or so after her audition.  I for one, am so grateful for the gift she gave me that night, and I constantly go back and watch this audition on You Tube.  She was a true light.  If you have not seen it, you must. 

With that in mind, I have come to learn about the immense power we all have in our soul, that we have a CHOICE to see the world in our own terms.  We can CHOOSE how we want to live.  We have the ABILITY to see the glass as always have full, to see there will always be light in darkness. 

That is not to say we can’t be sad, down or at a loss when things don’t go our way. 

We will find pain, sorrow, and even anger at times.  That is all normal and okay. 

My point is simply that with PERSPECTIVE, I have come to a place where no matter what, I know it will be better again.  I can allow the pain its proper place – emotionally, mentally and even physically with my busted-up spine.  But I can remind myself, while in pain, that it will in time, be past and I will be on to other things. 

The ebb and flow of life will push us, sometimes gently, and other times with a seemingly undeniable force.   We can choose how to perceive our world – even through times of crisis and pain.  Fundamentally, we know that things can - and will, at some point get better.  Take the pain, the loss and sorrow, again it is all perfectly natural and necessary – but please remember the basic message here, that with PERPECTIVE we may find that the path back is easier and even fruitful for the lessons we have learned. 

We may remember that even at 2%, life can still be amazing.

Finis

A final thought, a third sentiment from Nightbirde and her 2%:

“It’s important that everyone knows that I am so much more than the bad things that happen to me.” 

We are all so much more than the bad things that happen.  We can all choose how to perceive our world as life comes together and life comes apart. 

Even through all of the destruction and turmoil I allowed into my life and more-so the lives of my family – I know that I am more than a drug addicted felon. 

With PERSPECTIVE, with the help of Nightbirde and those 7 and a half minutes – I know I am, and still can be, so much more.

 We all can.

 I will close with that thought.  Just remember, even 2% is something, and with PERSPECTIVE can be, in her words - amazing. 

PERSPECTIVE is awesome.